Today is a much better writing day. I thought long and hard about why I was avoiding writing, and I think I was afraid it wouldn't be very good; not good enough to send to the agent. I gave myself a pep talk, and said all the things I'd say to someone else who was stalled, asked God to give me grace to get over the fear, and decided to get to work on it.

Well, when I decided to get to work, I found other chapters I'd written a long time ago, that I'd forgotten I wrote. I see that the story is actually pretty good. I edited the past writing, included it in my current story, making it stronger and better.

So, what made the difference? The attitude that "I can do this." Of course, having done it before helps, but each new book is a brand new life form that needs to be birthed and delineated. Plots and characters are in their own world, and often pull away from the strings I attach to them. That's good, though. I like to follow the characters to see where they will go.

I think tomorrow is going to be a good day writing too.

I was talking with a friend the other day about writing a journal. She said she has journaled for years. I've read of people doing that, and have tried it from time to time. When I was a child I got a little blue "Diary" with a teenage girl on the front, wearing a full skirt with a poodle appliques on it. The diary came with a little key (which I knew would never keep my brother out if he wanted to peek).
But I never had much to say. I wrote words like: "Went to school. Had cheese sandwich and orange for lunch." Or "Nothing interesting today." The book was filled with empty pages, and the ones that had something written weren't all that interesting. So, I gave up on writing a diary. Maybe it was because I was such a motormouth as a kid, and said all I had to say orally.
Later in my life, I came to some hard times, and since I'm not one to whine and complain, I felt I couldn't worry my friends with them. So, I began to write -- not necessarily a journal -- in a notebook: somehere I could get the swirling dark thoughts from my head and onto paper. Anyone finding those jottings would think I'm a very negative person. Not so! I'm very positive and give a happy outlook to the world. Negative whining is reserved for that special notebook.
So ... is a blog like a journal? Seems so. But I'll still keep those negative thoughts where they belong, in a dark, hidden away little notebook. But my friend who has kept journals for years probably has a wealth of nifty information worth re-reading and remembering. I wish I'd done that too.

Last night I got over that awful inability to get the words onto paper. I wrote about ten pages on my latest novel, and that felt so good. I'm writing a historical, and need to get my facts straight before I go any farther. But it was so good to get those pages done. I'm hoping to do some more tonight.

Still, my reading time is about three times more than my writing time. Not a good balance. Not good at all. I'll need to start thinking about getting some articles ready for handouts at the class I teach. Every week a handout. I feel I owe it to them to have something to take home. And I do enjoy finding interesting things to engage their minds about our language, and how to write it.

"Sometimes I feel like a motherless child ..." Oh. I AM. Well, that's why.

LJ

Aha! I figured out how to get back to post another blog. Good for me. I know, I know, it's easy.

I am totally enjoying all the research I'm doing for my novel set in 1941. What a year that was! I tried to write last night, and the words would NOT come. They were like dead, cold, hard stones in the bottom of a river of mud which I could not get to. I'd type a few words, and .... nothing. So hard. I was tempted to play another round of Solitaire and "think" but kept trying to slog on. I finally gave up. I think I'll try to write on the AlphaSmart. I am used to that. Maybe this computer keyboard doesn't understand what I'm trying to write. The AlphaSmart does.

It's horrible to want to tell a story and the words won't come. There are many reasons out there for this, and I've read a lot of them. I don't know what it is, but I must overcome it. I'll get back to you on how I do tomorrow.

I should be writing, but I just want to read. How am I every going to get a book done if all I do is read, instead of writing? Not a good place for a writer to be, who has agents waiting for her work. Maybe I'll go read, then I'll get inspired.